I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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