Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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