already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
