So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
