Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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