Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
