I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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