Don't make out with my wife yet
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
