are you still at the devil's house?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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