Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
