I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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