we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Randomize
