So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
