piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
