I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Vodka?
Forever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
