Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
