He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
