You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
