I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
