I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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