Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
