I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
