but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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