I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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