Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
