Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
