I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
