just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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