i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
