Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
