I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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