There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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