No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
