She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
