Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
