the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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