i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
