Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
