oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
