It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
