I just saw a hot homeless man
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
