Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
