dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
