Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
