i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
