Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
