That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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