Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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