I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
