actually, I'm a sock model
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So gin and wine won't be happening again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
