hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
