I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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