i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
