The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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