what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
