So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also, beer. Big fan.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
