Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
