i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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