i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
